meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
