cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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