I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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