We're facebook friends in real life
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
