Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
