You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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