Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
