i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
