this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
