note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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