why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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