today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
