Plan B is the new Plan A
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
