I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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