I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
