How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And then my night got REAL pukey
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
