Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
