So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
