jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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