i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize