I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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