Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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