Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
