i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
