I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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