thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
