She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
