She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
