when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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