If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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