my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
