I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have post one night stand depression
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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