apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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