how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
