Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
