Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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