i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
they need to just BURY HIM!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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