Hey man sorry I got all grabby
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
