I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
