It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
