he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
