Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
