you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
