The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
