I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
