a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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