Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this hospital has no fireball
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
