Your mouth is God's brothel.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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