You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
