yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
