just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
