After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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