So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
