i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
