I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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